BREAKING NEWS!!! (Target)

Enter at your own risk

Enter at your own risk

We have a breaking news alert … a breaking news alert …

While at the Target in Atlantic Terminal today, an employee looked me in the eye and — unprovoked — uttered the following words:

“Can I help you find something?”

Now, for those of you who have never experienced this particular Target, I’m sure my “breaking news” makes no sense whatsoever. However, those who have been subjected to this Brooklyn Walmart Target know exactly where I’m going with this.

I can ramble off plenty of my personal horror stories from shopping at this store (like the time I asked four different employees where I could find baking soda and received four different responses — all wrong; my favorite was “in the pharmacy”), but for those who have been spared a trip to this Walmart Target, check out the video below to get up to speed:

FIPS Undercover – Worst TARGET Evah (Brooklyn, NY) from Effed in Park Slope on Vimeo.

Now if you took the time to watch the video, you can understand why I was so pumped to hear an employee ask if she could help me. I’ve been to this store probably half a dozen times and this was the first time I have ever been offered help. To say I was stunned would be an understatement; I would have expected to see a UFO before ever receiving helpful service at this particular Walmart Target.

(Another story to drive my point home: I once made the mistake of interrupting an employee’s freestyle rapping to ask him for help. All I got in return was a blank stare. Then, after I found what I was looking for right behind him, he returned to his regularly scheduled rap.)

Then again, since I didn’t take her up on her offer, who knows if she could actually help. But an offer? That’s progress, kids.

In other news …

* Made my first trip to the Brooklyn DMV today (hence why I stopped in Tar-jay, it’s right next door). Total time: 1 hour, 40 minutes. (Yes, I brought a book.)

* While at the DMV, I spotted a man wearing a Memphis Tigers’ sweatshirt. Since that is something I see here, oh, never, I decided to strike up a conversation. Turns out the man is originally from West Africa (you thought I was going to say West Memphis, didn’t you? Sucker!) and lived in the Bluff City for a few years with his brother when he first came stateside. Though I didn’t ask him directly, judging by his comments, it seemed he liked Memphis more than he likes living in Brooklyn. Score one for the Bluff City.

* What’s worse than a hipster? How about a singing hipster! Yes, I encountered one of those today. He breezed by me as we approached the subway. I tried to get a picture with my phone, but he was too swift. However, his voice (unfortunately) lingered. Waaaay off key. Sounded like one of those “American Idol” rejects. And he was loud. Very loud. In fact, I could hear him all the way across the subway platform. Not sure what was worse, his voice or his outfit: purple shoes, grey acid-washed skinny jeans, a snug blue coat and ginormous headphones (which may explain why he was singing so loudly).

Look, I understand that hipsters have feelings, too, so I don’t want to make this a hipster-bashing thread. But dude, c’mon. If you’re going to dress like it’s 1985 and you’re getting your hearing tested by the elementary school nurse, then shut your pie hole and please don’t subject us to noise pollution.

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3 thoughts on “BREAKING NEWS!!! (Target)

  1. haha, wonderful insight. i have to say, i was thrilled to find out there was a target in brooklyn, until i went there. i usually save my trips now for when i’m seeing friends in CT…

    • You are very smart to do that. My wife and I tend to wait until we visit my family upstate, though I’m not a fan of their Target, either; it’s in a mall and has a strange layout.

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